DIALECTICAL LISTENING SKILLS

Listening is a skill that can be learned and refined.  Hearing, the perception of sound, happens passively.  Without much effort, we understand sounds in context.  But when we actively listen, the experience is more than just hearing.  The listening experience includes receiving and apprehending while thinking, feeling, and acting. Interpersonal chaos, moodiness, impulsivity, confusion about self, and cognitive dysregulation interfere with listening.  Increasing mindfulness skills reinforces listening behaviors.  Wise Mind listens calmly, confidently, and intuitively.  Maintaining a coherent sense of self while listening develops self-control.

One-mindfully

Focus your attention on the speaker.  Registering what you hear is the first step to remember what was said.  Once recorded, recalling what the speaker said is easy.  Conscientiously strive to overcome preoccupation or lack of interest.  Practicing techniques like half-smile, observing-your-breath, and turning the mind while listening reinforces feelings of competence and control. 

Non-judgmentally

Control Emotion Mind.  Emotion colors thinking, your response, and your body state.  Emotion also affects the speaker’s communication with you.  Relax.  Keep an open mind by listening but not evaluating.  Strive for unbiased listening and observing by focusing on the facts, “what”, “who”, “when”, and “where”.  Resist premature conclusions.  Prior to making a conclusion or judgment, ask questions.  Be sure that you comprehend the situation as well as possible; ask the speaker to clarify, repeat, expand, or justify any areas in which you still have questions.  Explore the other person’s point of view, opinion, and reasons. 

Effectively

Physically position yourself so you can hear what the other person is saying.  Consider your closeness to the speaker.  Adjust your position accordingly as you receive non-verbal cues from the speaker.  Be patient.  Don’t interrupt or talk over.  If unable to give your full attention, postpone the conversation until you are able to return with your full attention.  Make an excuse to get a drink of water and come back to the conversation with a clear head.

Validation

Be courteous and temperate in your approach.  Send non-verbal positive reinforcement to the speaker by nodding your head, by maintaining eye contact, and by leaning forward to express interest.  Read un-verbalized emotions, thoughts or behavior patterns.  Listen intuitively from Wise Mind.  Confirm receipt - After the speaker has finished, indicate in some way that you have received the information and understood the message.  Reiterate or summarize what she has just told you. 

Radical acceptance

Silence is a listening technique.  Allowing some “space” or silence is difficult.  Non-verbal cues reinforce the silent space.  Allow the speaker time to state her message.  Give yourself enough time to digest the message before responding.  Use the silence to formulate your response.  Take the time necessary to make a wise response.