Welcome to the workplace.

If you're still in school...Don't leave!




Here are some of the places foolish enough to
pay me to play with their computers.

Click on the icons to visit that company or, in lieu
of a website, someplace I considered appropriate.

All corporate logos are used here without the express
written consent of the National Football League.


The United States Government, General Services Administration.

Location: Kansas City, MO.
Business: Supplies paper clips to the bureaucracy.
Money: Great, for the region. (Money's better as a contractor, job security's better as an employee. You pick.)
Recommendation: A good place to work, if only for the people.

Since this list is in reverse-chronological order, these are the folks who currently hold my leash. Consequently, my review would be somewhat biased for the sake of self-preservation. Someday, this space will contain my usual subtle (like repeated strikes) application of insightful (with a mallet) and thought-provoking (to the groin) wit.


Unisys Corporation.

Location: Fall Church, VA.
Business: Mainframes, software, and services.
Money: Good, but sucky benefits. HR dept. has been downsized to the quantum level.
Recommendation: Only if you have a high threshold for frustration.

While I've only worked for Unisys for a few years, I've worked on Unisys equipment for more than a decade. I've also been a CICS programmer on an IBM system, and a COBOL programmer on several other systems, including Univac. I've even programmed professionally for the IBM PC. Given all that experience, I still don't understand why Unisys equipment holds such a small market share.

The Unisys A Series line of computers is head and shoulders above anything else out there. (And, no, I do not get paid for this endorsement). I think ALGOL is the most powerful and intuitive language I've ever used. Per unit of work accomplished, they're considerably cheaper, and will interface with absolutely anything.

For some reason, you just can't sell 'em. I've personally seen a company spend two million dollars to replace Burroughs equipment for no other reason than "we want IBM", only to turn around two years later and admit that the Unisys equipment did the job more cost effectively by an order of magnitude. I've heard similar stories from many colleagues.

What is it about the IBM logo that clouds managers' minds, and opens their wallets? I think it's a conspiracy. But then, I think everything is a conspiracy.

Any other ALGOL programmers out there? Drop me a line, and we'll trade utilities.


S.W.I.F.T.

Location: Secret.
Business: International funds transfer network.
Money: Wow! Unbelievable benefits, too.
Recommendation: The statues on Mt. Rushmore couldn't stand the tedium.

SWIFT has nothing to do with pork sausage. It stands for the Society for World-wide Inter-bank Financial Telecommunications (I think). Try to fit that on a business card.

I've already told you more about the place than they would probably like. The security at this outfit was tighter than a Gortex orifice. I won't go into any detail, but I've seen fewer gadgets in some James Bond movies.

It's really no surprise, when you consider the trillions of mythical electronic dollars that move from country to country through SWIFT. You can't get a ruble out of Moscow, or a markka out of Finland, without them.

The most interesting thing about SWIFT had to be the people. In a department of fifty-four people, forty-eight were from India. Although the building was in the middle of the honest-to-goodness, old-fashioned, American boonies, I felt as though I was going to work in Bengal every day.

It was a truly marvelous opportunity. Of all the places in the world, Americans generally know the least, and have the most inaccurate stereotypes, about India. While I was only exposed to a very tight demographic sample (Educated, upper-class computer programmers, and their families) I still found it an incredibly enriching experience. (The fact that they paid me gobs and gobs of money didn't hurt, either.)


Comdial.

Location: Charlottesville, VA.
Business: Manufacture telephones and telephone systems.
Money: Fair, but get used to layoffs.
Recommendation: Flush all managers, then O.K..

There should be a plaque out front reading "Home of the World's Largest Jerk". I won't mention any names because, for some incomprehensible reason, telling the world's largest jerk that he is the world's largest jerk in public is considered libelous. Go figure.

Names aren't important. Absolutely everyone who knows him and reads this will know exactly to whom I refer.

Now, I know what you're thinking: "he can't possibly be as big a jerk as such-and-such". Let's not get into a contest here. You'll just have to trust me.

To all those who I have known, who were just certain that they held that distinction: There's no shame in being the world's third largest jerk. (The world's second largest jerk also worked here. Talk about your target-rich environments!)


Landmark Land.

Location: New Orleans.
Business: Developed golf and tennis resorts.
Money: Good, for the region, and excellent intangibles.
Recommendation: Marvelous place to work, if it still existed.

I would have never left Landmark. Unfortunately, thanks to the S&L scandal, Landmark left me. The company started to go belly-up in 1990, and took about five years to completely die. It was a damn shame. Landmark owned Dixie S&L and, despite all the other failed S&Ls shaky land investments, Dixie's properties were actually worth something. Tell it to the goombas at the R.T.C..

Landmark's main business was golf and tennis resorts. Had I actually played either sport, the job would have been even more fun than it already was. PGA West, Carmel Valley Ranch, and Palm Beach Polo would have been infinitely more fun places.

Not that I'm complaining. It was still fun to do so much traveling, and it's the greatest bunch of people I've ever had the privilege to work with. It's just that, if you don't play golf or tennis, Palm Springs is just a desert, and Kiawah Island is just a swamp.

The most I could say about Landmark, would be about the people and the place. See the Bucky Butler Tracking Map, for more information.


Electronic Data Systems.

Location: Madison, WI.
Business: Computer service organization.
Money: Poor, and you're worked like a dog.Recommendation: 
Run, don't walk, to the nearest exit.

Ever read any of the science fiction stories that speculate what the world would be like if we'd lost World War II, and Hitler ruled the earth? Why do I ask? No reason.

EDS's S.E.D. program of training and recruitment is nothing short of modern indentured servitude. I know several people who have paid for the privilege of quitting EDS. If anyone approaches you for a job with EDS, and makes big promises of training and placement, you must release a large rodent. You can make your escape while the recruiter basks on a rock and digests his prey.

I was not one of these indentured servants, I was an outright slave. My company was sold, and I along with it. EDS gave us a presentation before the sale. They told us, and I quote, "nothing will change, it will be business as usual." The very day the sale went through, two departments were escorted to the door by security guards.

I think the following story, told to us at the aforementioned presentation, sums up management's philosophy quite well. During the tall-ship days, a British warship went into battle, cannons blazing. Suddenly a rope tying one of the cannons down snapped, apparently rotted away from the sea water. The cannon recoiled uncontrollably, and killed the powderman. The ship's first officer saw what had happened, and leapt into action. He helped to right the cannon, replace the rope, and took the dead man's place at the pan. The want of one cannon turned the tide and the battle was won.

After the battle, the Captain lined up select individuals on the deck, and proceeded to hand out commendations for bravery. When he got to the first officer, he drew his sword, and ran him through. He announced to the rest of the men "On this ship we reward men for preventing problems, not fixing them."

Things have not softened since Ross Perot left. If anything, management has become more arbitrary and less focused in its reactionary policies.

It's no better if you're a customer. At my site, management systematically misled and misinformed our customer. Sometimes it was for the common good, most times it was for a particular middle-manager's good.

Do I have anything good to say about EDS? Most of the management philosophies, while draconian, were extremely seductive. As with Communism, it was the implementation of those policies which failed.


The Credit Union National Association.

Location: Madison, WI.
Business: An organization of credit unions.
Money: Fair.
Recommendation: Fairly interesting work, fairly interesting people.

Under construction.


General Casualty Insurance.

Location: Sun Prarie, WI.
Business: Insurance Company.
Money: Extremely Poor.
Recommendation: It's an insurance company, what do you think?.

Under construction.


State of Wisconsin.

Location: Madison, WI.
Business: State government.
Money: Fair.
Recommendation: A little mind numbing.

Under construction.


Forest Products Laboratory.

Location: Madison, WI.
Business: Federal research lab.
Money: Fair.
Recommendation: A nice place to not work.

Under construction.


Complete Channel TV.

Location: Madison, WI.
Business: Local cable company.
Money: Poor, but interesting work.
Recommendation: Like all monopolies: nice, if you can get in the door.

Under construction.




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